Today’s post is from my own personal cup of coffee — motherhood. Too often as a new mom, I am given a very crucial piece of advice: “Enjoy every moment. They grow up too fast.” My recent guest post on Kelly Westover’s blog shares my perspective and reflection on life as a new(ish) mom. Enjoy!
January 31, 2012
January 20, 2012
Communications, Everyday Dialogue, Family, Motherhood, Parenting, Relationships, Technology, The Everyday cell phone, child of tomorrow, childhood, coffee, coffee shop, dating, future, kids, New York Times, Parenting, puppy love, relationships, technology, teenager, teenagers, text, texting, The New York Times, young adult 5 Comments
While most days at coffee shops tend to be a bit noisy, this one was different. It was quiet, except for the occasional sound of typing on a keyboard. That was until a group of teenagers quickly ran into the place, breaking the silence.
They didn’t order anything, but weren’t being disruptive or obnoxious either.
“Look, look” one of the girls said as she shoved her cell phone in front of her girlfriend’s face.
“Why does the light keep turning off?”
“Ugh. I hate this phone.”
Feeling impatient and obviously frustrated, the girl grabbed the phone back from her friend and tapped a few buttons before returning it.
There were a few moments of silence while the friend was reading what seemed to be a text from a boy. The two girls sat close, both nodding their heads as they read.
“And then I said this……and this…”
“He’s so sweet,” her friend said.
They both giggled, while I sat there frozen.
That’s when it hit me. My daughter will soon be that age! And, by soon, I mean… well, 14 years from now. OK, so I admit to being a little overboard with my concerns. But, either way, I was intrigued (and shocked!) by the way technology has completely consumed these soon-to-be adults.
The girls joined the others who had come with them, making a group of five – three girls and two boys. All of them were glued to the screens of their cell phones, waiting for the next text, Facebook post, tweet or annoying phone call from their parents.
“I haven’t told my Mom about tomorrow yet,” one of the boys said with a smirk.
The girl with the juicy conversation on her cell phone reached into her pocket and held it up for the boy to see.
“Hey, did you hear me and Jacob* made out?” she asked, brushing her hands through her hair.
I sat at a table a few feet away, cringing.
“Yeah, I heard. How did it go?” he said.
She handed him the phone, pointing to show him the text. He nodded his head and smiled before they all decided to leave; heads high and the now “experienced” kisser proud as could be.
While I know I shouldn’t be surprised by anything I saw or heard, I was. I am relatively young, but it still amazes me how much teenage “love” has changed since I was in high school. There was no Facebook, Twitter or smartphones then. I had a cell phone and was able to text, but passed notes (yes, handwritten!) in class, read the newspaper and took notes using a yellow tablet.
A recent article published in The New York Times examines the new age of technology, proposing “the child of tomorrow” will crave less information and instead require more quiet time. Companies like Intel have experimented with the idea of requiring four uninterrupted hours of work per week to clear the minds of their employees. New software is also being introduced to users, allowing buyers to disable Internet connections for those who can’t seem to stay away.
I’m not sure what this will mean for my daughter or the other “children of tomorrow”, but it seems to be moving in the right direction.
And, in all of this conversation about young “puppy love”, the tie between new technology and the increasing need for quiet, there is one tiny detail I forgot to include – my husband and I started dating when I was 15 years old and we used AOL Instant Messenger to keep in touch.
*All names have been changed to protect privacy.
January 8, 2012
Everyday Dialogue, Family, Friendship, Life, Marriage, Momisms, Motherhood, Relationships, The Everyday 2011, 2012, coffee, coffee shop, end of year, freindship, life lessons, mom, motherhood, nap, new year, new years, resolution, resolutions, sleeping, train, wedding 10 Comments
While others are well on their way to jump starting new years resolutions, I’m still trying to figure out how 2012 is already here! But, I’d be lying if I said I’m not also taking time to reflect on 2011 and set goals (finally) for 2012. Except, this year, I decided to use coffee shop lessons as an inspiration.
Making 2012 #resolutions? What about resolutions to help each other?
— UNICEF (@UNICEF) January 6, 2012
This year my goal is to write down one lesson I’ve learned each day. But before tackling that goal, I want to reflect on a few lessons I learned in coffee shops during 2011.
1. Two women, appearing to be close friends, coincidentally visit the same coffee shop at the same time. The women engage in conversation while waiting in line, not taking long to share personal details.
“When I dream, I’m always young and single,” one of them said. “But I would never tell my husband that.”
Lesson: It’s important to have close friends. Every conversation adds a new layer to the relationship.
2. A woman shared a glimpse of her life a few years ago. Her husband was forced to retire due to injury, she lost her job and so did her sister. Her mom became ill and the family dog passed away — all within two months. She allowed herself to be sad, but not for long. Realizing their break from obligations, the three moved to be closer to and help their mother. Had they not lost their jobs, they would have needed to hire someone to help.
Lesson: Bad things happen; sometimes all at the same time. But, it’s a matter of perspective and how we react to the situation that really matters.
3. During a brief exchange with a barista, one woman said, “I’ve found my running pace improves with short, quick steps.”
Lesson: Exactly what she said.
4. A mother of the bride was discussing details with her daughter’s wedding planner. As the conversation builds, she begins speaking quicker with each word, as if paying the planner by the minute. “So much goes into planning,” she said. “We have the horse and carriage and now I’m thinking we are going to need to plow the field for the buses to get through.”
Lesson: Our society places too much emphasis on the details of the wedding and not enough on the meaning of the wedding. I can’t help but think of how the money paying for these lavish affairs might be spent otherwise to help fulfill the basic needs of others.
5. One man sits down, while another approaches the counter to order. He then returns to the table, coffee mug in hand. “Think my wife will like this one?” he said, holding up a red and white striped mug.
“I don’t know which one she would like better, but that one is cracked.”
“Probably a good reason not to get it.”
Lesson: Some things aren’t meant to be.
6. Two businessmen are meeting to discuss, well, their children. “My daughter’s dorm was hit by the hurricane,” one of them said. “Her Resident Assistant helped get her through the terrible experience.” He went on, sharing his daughter’s experience had resulted in her volunteering for relief effort clean up and signing up to be a Resident Assistant in 2012.
Lesson: Sometimes opportunities appear when we least expect them.
7. A man rushed in to the coffee shop, noticeably frustrated. Another man passing by recognized him and they made small talk. When asked about being upset the man said, “I decided to leave the office and grab coffee before biting someone’s head off.”
Lesson: We all have these days. It’s best to accept it, buy a cup of coffee and move on.
8. A young college student sitting by herself breaks concentration to say hi to a young man as he sits near her. During their conversation she tells him about a time her family took a vacation abroad. Her mom was separated from her in a large crowd getting on a train. Her and her brother stared at the train as it departed with their mom aboard and no way of contacting her. They waited for the next train, rode to the next stop and didn’t find their mother until returning to their hotel two hours later.
Lesson: Keep family close – literally.
9. On more than one occasion, conversations focused on having trouble finding a perfect gift. One man shared he was at a loss trying to think of something his 90 year-old mother would need. Another woman juggled gift ideas for her father-in-law. After deep discussion, it was settled – the mother would be getting a generator (she’s lost power five times in the past year) and the father-in-law, football tickets.
Lesson: Spend less time wondering “what to give” and more perfecting the act of “how to give”.
10. I walk past a man on the way in, keep an eye on him over my shoulder while visiting and smile at him upon leaving. The man sat in the middle of the coffee shop; swallowed by an oversized, dark brown leather chair. His body sank as his head lay back, resting on the back of the chair. He was sound asleep, mouth wide open, for the full two hours I was there (and maybe longer).
Lesson: When the opportunity presents itself, take a nap.
Keeping these lessons in my back pocket, I’m raising my mug. Cheers to you for a wonderful 2012!
Better late than never.
Interested in reading other blog posts about new year lessons? Here are a few of my recent favorites:
- 2011 Lesson #2: Don’t Carpe Diem – http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/
- New Years Lessons from Indiana Jones: http://www.successful-blog.com/1/new-years-lessons-from-indiana-jones/
- Stop the Year and Let Me Catch Up: http://croneandbearit.wordpress.com/2012/01/06/stop-the-year-and-let-me-catch-up/
- Lessons for Living: http://simplyintentional.wordpress.com/2012/01/07/lessons-for-living/